Since South by Southwest is coming up, I thought I would post about Free by Free Free, or as the legions of fans and true believers refer to it, FxFF. It was an event that was born in 2014 as I was doing my taxes while others were out enjoying SXSW here in Austin.
My inbox was full of party invites, Facebook was notifying me of invites, and the news was talking about all kinds of insane parties that were happening. Entire neighborhoods had been rented out for parties. This was right before SXSW hit fever pitch and started keeping things under control a little more. The things these parties claimed to be offering was absolutely insane.
Mind you, most of these “invites” were really just advertisements for sponsors disguised as hope; chances of me getting in to most of them was slim. The only wristband I was probably going to wear was the one for the super lame TurboTax party of one.
So in a moment of frustration I decided to create my own party. This party would be better than ALL OF THEM. It would be so exclusive that no one could get into it. Which would be helpful to me because I was going to make the whole thing up and that small detail needed to kept secret.
One of the most popular characteristics of the South By party is that there’s always loads of free stuff promised. Free booze. Free music. Free food. Free Free Free. The more you promise free stuff, the more people are attracted to your South By party. It’s like a law of festival physics.
So armed with this knowledge of human nature, powered by FOMO, and fueled with the motivation to do anything possible to avoid doing my taxes, Free by Free Free was born.
I hope someday it will become a reality (even if it’s a little dated…), but for now you’ll have to settle for the event as posted on Facebook.
FREE BY FREE FREE!!!!
That’s right, this UNOFFICIAL SXSW party has FREE EVERYTHING!
FREE: beer, tacos, firearms, bbq, ice cream, designer shoes, sushi photo booth, car fires, multiple ferris wheels, a two story edible chocolate house, albino alpaca rides, flame-throwing lessons, catapults, a chainsaw-filled bouncy house, and way more!
Come on down to our secret venue and enjoy a solid week of free beer, booze, and taquitos made out of exotic corns and semi-illegal cheeses imported from small European countries!
While waiting in line for our selection of our 100 craft beers made especially for this party get complementary massages and tarot readings from comedians dressed up as your favorite television farm animals!
Then relax in our gigantic swimming pool filled with rare red dolphins that have been trained to give you free beard trims and/or pedicures!
We’ve also loaded the place with monkeys that tell knock knock jokes and there’s an old fashioned telephone booth where you can call a parrot that speaks six languages. The coolest part? We’ve put the parrot on the moon!
And HEY we are giving away 200 hoodies every five seconds!
Everyone that shows up early will get the opportunity to swing sledgehammers in our “Ferrari smashing pit”!
Everyone that stays late can warm up to one of over 50 campfires fueled entirely by one-hundred dollar bills!
Jimmy Kimmel will be there as well and guess what?? He’s paying off EVERYBODY’s student loans and giving you a year’s supply of Don Julio!
Don’t forget the afterparty because we’ve used proprietary technology to mashup twitter and a 3D printer to bring Michael Jackson BACK FROM THE DEAD! And hell yes his zombie will be singing Thriller all night long!
Don’t worry about RSVPing to ANY OTHER PARTY – because we’ve hired Lady Gaga and Justin Timberlake to go through your emails and delete those invites.
Because this is THE ONLY PARTY YOU NEED THIS WEEK.
RSVP AND WE’LL PICK YOU UP IN OUR KITTEN-FILLED HOT AIR BALLOON!!! SEE YOU THERE!!!
There was also some interesting discussion and updates on the FxFF Facebook event page.